Can't Forgive Yourself When You're Dead
by YesaniChan
Summary: Mabel never survives Weirdmaggeddon. After all, she's the reason why it happened. So what happens after the fact? "It-it's-it's all my fault."
1. Chapter 1

**And here I am again, writing ANOTHER fanfic. I have so many that are going on and one's that I'm still building that it's getting ridiculous. Anyways, this lovely wasn't my idea. Instead, the credit for the premise goes to Barbacar. I highly recommend reading their stuff, it's really good. But before I keep babbling, let's begin this little tale shall we?**

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"E͡ȩnie͡.͢ Mabel turned to face Stan and Ford before looking into her brother's eyes. This was it. They lost the battle and now there wouldn't be anything to keep Bill from finding a way out. "Mee͝n҉įe͘."͏ How could they lose? They fought so hard, they were the good guys! "M̶i̸n͘ie͡.̴" Bill's eye flicked back to the shape of a shooting star. Mabel knew exactly what that meant.

"Stop it! Stop it! Please, please, don't kill him." Tears ran down her face, ruining her sweater. Ford's mouth hung open, as if he was about to speak instead.

"Mabel, stop. I'll give him the-"

"No!" She swung her head to look at the demon, "Please, you can kill me. But don't hurt Dipper, ever."

If Bill could smile, he would have a grin covering half of his face. "So ͡ho̴w҉'s ̀a̴bo͝u͞t ͟a̸ d͘èa͟l͟?҉"

 _ **Be brave Mabel. Be brave like them.**_

"Okay. What do you propose?" Cries of disbelief at this choice and her family screaming at her to stop never reached Mabel's ears. She was too focused on the task at hand: saving her family and in return, payment for her awful choices.

"Mabel no!" Dipper finally choked out, "Don't ever make a deal with him!" Mabel squeezed his hand, a soft warning to be quiet.

"T͞h̢at̶'s̛ t́h̡e̡ ̶f̢un͡ny͡ t͢hi͝ng̷ Pine͝t҉r͜e͘e,̢ she̷ a͞lread̵ý h̷a̵s!͞" The heartbreak wrote itself all over Dipper's face, "͘Çan'͘t b͟e͟l͏i̵e͏v́e ̕it͞ ̸ķi͢d? We͟ll l̢e҉t͜ ͞ḿe t҉e͏l͟l̶ ̨ya-ác̷tual҉ly… Wh̴y͡ ̕do̴n͏'̵t ̷S̨hoot͠ing͢ ҉Sta̸r t̀el҉l̀ ̕y̴oú?͘ I͜t҉'́l̴l ̴b́e̶ f͜u͟ǹ!̀"

"I-I-" Mabel held her breath. She could have kept it secret, really. But fate really did have other plans for her. She sobbed, faced with the consequences of her actions. This was her reality now.

"Mabel… what's he talking about?"

"Hey kid, what's he rambling on about?"

"It-it's-it's all my fault."

Dipper looked confused, slowly bringing himself over to hold his broken sister, "Mabel, what's your fault?"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" She pushed him away violently.

"Mabel-"

"This! All of this is my fault! It's my fault that he won! I let him!"She choked out the truth, she had doomed them all those mere four days ago. "I-I made a deal with him. I was selfish enough to want it, so he gave it to me at the cost of everything."

"͡W̧o͜w, t͢hę cat i͡s re͢ally ou͜t́ ̵o̴f̨ ̸t͢he ̸b̕ag ͞now ̶huh?"͞ Bill looked right at Mabel, a wicked gleam in his eye, "̧You kn͠ow̛,̧ ͞I҉ don't ̛t͞h̵i͢nk evęryo͝n̴e ͝q́ưit͡e hear̨d ỳo҉u.̡ Say ̶it l҉oud͡er̡ Sta̶r."

"I-I-I was the reason this all happened." She said a tad louder.

"͢Not̢ ̨lo͜ud ͘enou͠gh͘ k͢i̡d͢do̴. ̢L̸o̵ud̡er͡. ̸I̛ wa̴nt ̧th͘e͡ t̴o͡w̢n ̨t̨o ̵h̛e̵aŗ ̕h͢eck̷,̴ let the͞ w̴ơrld hear͟!"

Dipper's face burned red, "No! Why would you ever make her do that?!" He turned to see Mabel sobbing uncontrollably. "Mabel… You don't have to."

 _ **It's the brave thing to do. The smart thing. Wouldn't you like to prove yourself to them?**_ A hateful voice full of sugary sweetness whispered deep inside Mabel's head.

 _But I don't-_

 _ **Be brave Mabel. I know you can.**_

Taking a deep breath Mabel yelled at the top of her lungs with a ragged crack, "I CAUSED THIS! ALL OF IT, IT'S MY FAULT!"

"̢Ya k͏n͞ow ́S̡h͡oo̴t͝i̴n͠g̷ ́Star, ͠yo̢u ͏di͏d̸n̸'t ͏r̕e͝a̛lly get̵ ́t͝o ex͢p̨e̕rienc̵ę W̶èi̵r͞d̢m̸a̵g͡g̵e͢d͘don. ̡You̶ ̷kn͢o̡w҉, the ͝result ̶of̧ yoųr͢ b̧a̡d҉ ͝c͢ho̢ic̴e͠s͜ k͠i̶d.̧ ͟How̷'̴s ̨abouţ ̡yo͠ư-͠-"

"You leave her alone!" Dipper's voice resonated with everyone else's thoughts. But before he could yell anymore at his family's torturer, Mabel's cold hand found it's way back into his.

A quick and silent hug came between them. Mostly silent, for Mabel had softly whispered into his ear words only for him, "Live for me, okay? Don't ever stop living."

Bill hadn't noticed this exchange, preferring to continue with the execution of one Pines. "-҉-̸ex͝p͜er̕ie͘nc҉e it ͞now̶?̢ A҉L҉L͞ AT ǪNC̀E͞!"

Mabel broke into screams, the kind that tear at your soul and destroy you from the inside. Her braces melted, burning her mouth and leaving the skin in shreds. Her body slowly transfigured into solid stone from the feet up. Her eyes burned as toxic bugs exploded from the collagen fibers and consumed her ears and nose. The blood running through her veins froze solid, effectively freezing her fingers and they fell off one by one. Eventually, the pain just stopped. All she could feel was misery. She didn't want to live anymore, why would she? She pleaded with her heart and mind to just let her die. Stop beating, stop breathing, stop. Stop. STOP. The body complied, and broke. The bones melted, the skin, the organs, all of it. In the end, all you could see was a burnt and melted puddle of a once joyful person. The good inside was now just a memory and a small pile of rainbow glitter where her soul was.

"̡Rou̕nd͝ ҉twò ͡for Pínét̢ree m̢áy͠b̀e?" Cipher asked. There was nothing like good ol' chaos to make you feel alive.

"NO! Please, I surrender." 'Ford' burst out, "You can have it. Just please, don't hurt the rest of them." He stepped forward, tears covering his beet red face.

"͢Oka͟y̴!̸ Sh͘a͟ké m͢y ҉ha̷nd͏ ̨th͜e͡n̶!̧" Bill took the deal, like a fool. Not realizing the terms, or who he really shook hands with. Pulling himself into "Stanford's" mind, he saw a blank and empty void. " _W̕ow, ͡y̢ou̧ r̛e̛áll͏y cl͢ea̡n u͜p̢ in ̢h̶e͡r͟e ͏S̀i͟xe̢r͠."̧_ _He finally reached a worn and wooden door. Opening it, he saw not Sixer. Instead, Fez with a face that could send the devil running. "W̶h̀a̧t ̕i͠s th̛i̕s?́"͠ ̛_

 _Stan stood and stomped towards the demon. "You. It's your fault all this happened."_

" _̛Ya ͡sure?͡ S̨h̀oo͠t͝i̧n͏g̵ Şt͡a͠r̸ ͟s͡ai̶d sò ̶ḩe͠r͠şe҉l̕f ̢t̡ha͜-"͘_

" _Shut up." Stan growled. Bill complied because for the first time in his life, he was scared. Truly terrified of what's to come._

Ford stepped towards his brother's body, pure rage painted his face. Looking over at Dipper he saw a hollow shell kneeling on the floor, unsure of how to feel. Pulling out a memory gun, he set it wipe away everything with two words: STANLEY PINES.

" _You know, I was just supposed to keep you here until we disappeared. But, since you decided to hurt MY FAMILY," Stan beat Bill into a pulp, his singular eye bruised and ruined. "That's not only for me, but for all of them. Because of what YOU did, she's gone! I never wanted to see anyone else go through what I did for those thirty years, but now? Now a twelve-year-old boy has to live with the torture of his own sister for the rest of his life! So you better go through that same hell for eternity, wherever things like you go!"_

Ford squeezed his eyes shut, and pulled the trigger. This was it, the end.

" _̘̻͔̩͙̗̪̺̬͠P̡̕͏̰̭̠̮̫͎̲ͅL̡̨͍͔̤E̫̱̟̲̙͙̤ͅÁ̮̳͜ͅȘ̢̲̺̥͚̦͇̤E̡͇̻̥͡ͅ ̸̼̻̬͖̼̣͢Ṉ̡̡͖̹̕O͎̲͇͓͢!͚̖͓̗͎̲͉̕͜ ̵̩̱̥͠W̵̢͕H̶̝͇̤̻͔̜̺̻Ḁ̧͚T̺͍̬̀̕͜'͚̹̝̟͉̠͈͢S̴̵̬̬̼̥̦͚͉͓͓ ̵͉̯̪H͈A̺͈͈͢P̣͍̫̪̟͙͚P̟͚͎͝E͢҉̪N̸̨͉̗̤͘I͕̪̖͍̝͉͍͕̗̕͜N̸̼̞̣̦͔̠̜̤G̶͕̮̝̱̝̮̻̮̕ͅ ̡̟̻͕̯̣͇̠͇͢T̛͢͏̺O̺̙̺͖̩̠̬̝ ̲̥͡M҉̫͘É͔̬͉͚͔̗͈̳?̱̱͉̖̰͚!̫̯̲̫͈͖̮͖͢͠ͅ ͙̱̥̰̮͔̠A̧͇͜͟-̷͍̻̬͚̣̘̬̫X̛̫͓͇̺͖̺͡-̛̤͕͈̺̫́͜O̢҉͇̗̘̖-̳̗̠͚̮̰͈̱͝L̢̡̫̩̹͍͔̜͘-͏͈̳Ó̘̙͝-̸̷̼͍T͙̯̱̼͓-͙̱̠̲ͅL̗̜̥̦̲ ͖̰͟͢M̡̛͉̗Y҉̖̀ͅ ̗̟͇̪͚̰̳͡T̡͉̩̩͓͇͇͈̀̕I̸̖̹͇̪M̢͇͕̹̠̯͙͔̗͜͝ͅḚ̴̛̳̺̘̪̘͟ͅ ̳̖̖͓̩̠͘H̢̲͇͓̟͇̺͚͝Á̘̗͕̝̻̞̫̖̩͘͝S̴̰̟̭̤ ̝́͟ͅC͏̵͍̤̰͍O̶̵͔͕̪̰M͏̢̝̻̖̼̗̙̩͜È҉̵̲̜͖͈ͅ ̷̝̭͉͈͇̜̠T̼̞̘͓͠͝O̠̟̺̮̼ ̨͈͓̳͢Ḇ̕̕͠ͅÙ͉̰͙̣̕R̷̟̯͖͓̪͍͘N̤͕̦͔͇̻̻͢,͈̝̼̖ ̴͔I̸̩͇̗͕͝ ̸̗̺̱͔̝̠I͏̟̪͓N̶̢̺̼̘͚̟̮̥̗V̱̩̳̥̩̱Ó̧̳̯͈̣͜K̩͖̦̙̠͚̻̀E̸̛͉̤̜͚ ̭̠͘Ṯ͔͙͍̳͚̜͢H̦͖̭̖̟̹Ḛ̶̶̞̘ ̡͙̗̘̺ͅͅA̻̠̯̥̥͔̲̳N̵͓̙̘̤̳͍͇͉͟͠C̨̨̼̟̻̯̞I҉̸̖̱̰E͍̱͔̬̱̠̖̜͎̕͠Ń̺͔̙̗̜͈T͏̡͈̞̘̬͍̘ ̡̜̩̗̤̮̟̰̟P͉̱̥͜͟O̧͎̪͇ͅW̖̜͖͜E͏̧͙̮̗̹͔̖R̷͓͓ͅ ̞̘͍͚̩T̵̲̤̝̼̹͎̠̭̣H̶͈̣̗͞A̶҉̲̬̤̤̥̼̦̟̘Ṯ̡̥̲̳̀͢ ̩̖I̡͎̹̖͞ ͉̤͓̮̕M̸̠̖͚͞A̠̼̺͚͕͜Y̛͔͇͕͇̭͙̺̠ ̸͙̬̤͈̟̤̰͕R͏̷͎̥͕͔̜͙̞͡E̶͉͙̙̤͚̭̜͎Ṭ̢͎̦̲͍͕̲͉͟Ư͕͈̠̟̹R̤̮̼̠̖̗̣̩Ṇ͚_

 _̥͉̰ͅ_ _Ś͖̯̙͈̯̜̱̻͈̩̳̝͍̮͘͡T̸̷̷̢͈̙̺̜̙͞ͅͅA̮̥̳̯̰̞̰̣͡͡͝ͅͅŅ̶́͏̱̖͙͎̘̬͈̘͈L̢̩̰͖̣̬̮̗̹ͅE̷̶͏̡͙̜̞͉̭̰͡Ę̷̶̮̰͙̻̠̗̠̘͓̭̦̺̝̬͚̹̺͔͝Ḛ̮̟͖̦̖͍͖̼̩̘͚͓̬̦̬͕́͢͞͝-͈͙̣̰̤͓̩͜͡͠"̛̜͇̤̫̩͖̳̰͎͚̠͢_

 _̴̝̣̞̭̗̪̟͇̣̫̀̀́_

 _̷̢̥͚̫̦̬̯̪͈̖͈͙̜_

 _̢̝̝͚_

 _̨̢̛̥̬̯͎̮̠͈͕̳́͘_ _Stan punched him one more time, "That's called payback." Picking up a framed photo of the pines, Stan sighed. "Guess it's goodbye." The burning blue wrapped around Stan like a final embrace and dragged him away, never to be seen again._

Ford fell to the ground, his heart had stopped feeling. The only remaining members of the Pines family were broken. Their other halves were gone, a hollow shell and a pile of goo the only remnants of them.

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 **Give me a "R"! Give me an "E"! Give me a "V"! Give me an "I"! Give me another "E"! Give me a "W"! What's that spell?! REVIEW!**

 **Okay but seriously, I love reviews. So please, please, PLEASE review?**

 **P.S. There is a sort of update schedule on my profile if you care to look at that and yell at me when I don't actually follow it. There is also a hiatus alert that will be added when I'm on break. So yeah, look forward to that.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I had just realized that the font I used for Bill added all these squares to the text. So I'm uploading this to AO3 in case it works better there and if anyone wants to not deal with that mess.**

 **Straightjacketed: The after effects of Mabel's death will really mess with everyone. I promise. And the font I used is one I think is called Zalgo. I see it all the time while reading TAU fics if that's what you're thinking of**

 **Draco Mercer: I'm not sorry.**

 **Guest: Sadness is great, huh?**

 **NamelessBeliever: ^.^ You so sweet!**

 **ToothPasteCanyon: It did take awhile to write Mabel's death and Stan's final scene, so it's good to know that i did well! And I'm so sorry for the author's note in the middle, I'm going to go back and take it out as soon as I can.**

 **Anyways: Let's continue to follow this morbid story! Except for the fact that this chapter is far less… messed up.**

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Mabel's eyesight had finally returned, only to see the most miserable sight that in no way could she have imagined. It was like a waiting room at the doctor's office and a prison had fused together. Drab grey was painted on the walls, simple square windows were placed at perfect intervals to let the curious eye see nothing but a cloudy day. Low and angular tables sat in between the uncomfortable couches. There was absolutely nothing to do either. No magazines, flowers, or lamps to turn on or off. She finally pulled herself off the couch only to feel cold concrete. This definitely had to be punishment.

A pleasant voice interrupted the silence, "Departed 294651849653781, your examination request has been processed and accepted. Please go to room 784." A shadowy figure stood and walked down the long hall to their destination.

Mabel looked down to see her hands were see-through and colorless. The same went for her sweater and skirt. Everyone around her wore clothes from every era; togas,elegant dresses, animal skins, and hospital gowns. "Excuse me," She asked the knight right next to her, "Where am I?"

He gave a bored expression, "Inbetween."

"Inbetween? What's that?"

"The place in between life and afterlife. Inbetween. It's boring to wait here."

Mabel's curiosity peaked, "How long have you been here?"

"Forever. I've watched people who've died after me leave and I don't get to go?!" His voice filled with fury while his face remained blank.

Another spirit spoke, this time a girl in sweats and a crop top, "That's because you didn't sign up for a meeting you moron!" Sighing she turned to Mabel, "You have to go to the front desk and ask for a meeting." She pointed to the unoccupied desk with a sign that read: **SIGNUP HERE**

"That makes sense, thanks." Mabel stood up and walked over. It wasn't empty like she

first thought, instead there was a guy with the most tanned and toned body she had ever seen flipping through a book. "Um, hello?"

Scowling he looked up at her, his tall ears cocked in curiosity or annoyance. "What? I'm trying to pass the eternities with a completely inaccurate book about myself." Mabel's eyes caught the title of the book: _The Kane Chronicles._ Sounded like something Dipper would-. Her cheek felt wet and the dog-man gave a panicked look. "Oh shit. Okay look, I'll help you I guess. The name's Anubis. What's yours?"

She wiped her eyes, "S-sorry. My name's Mabel, Mabel Pines."

 _Oh Dipper, I miss you._

 ** _Don't think like that. What if he showed up?_**

He typed something into the computer and looked back up, "Alright then Mabel, here's your ticket. And please don't tell my boss that I was slacking."

"Promise." She winked and sat down.

 ** _At least I stopped crying._**

 _After what I did? There's no way._

 ** _Just smile okay?_**

Another beep sounded and instead of the pleasant voice, a more panicked and masculine voice sounded.

"Calling all security and stuff to the courtroom! Seriously, we need some help in here!" The voice grew muffled as the speaker turned away from the mic, "Wait, I'm supposed to say a special code?! Dammit Persephone, why don't you tell me these things?!" Loudly and angrily he called, "CODE 34! CODE 34! ALTHOUGH WHY SOMETHING THIS MAJOR WAS THOUGHT OF AFTER 33 OTHER THINGS IS BEYOND ME!"

Anubis sighed and pulled his book back out. "I swear Hades does this every day."

A door slammed open and a wild woman ran out, "Anubis! Let's go!"

"Why would I do that Mania?" He rolled his eyes.

"Code. 34. 34! You dumbass!" Her curls were flying everywhere, "34 means that we have a problematic one! Come on!" She grabbed his arm and ran down the hall and inside a room with a steel door.

"Code 34?" Mabel looked down at her ticket, it read: 3469747639648392 and nothing else. Deciding to nap through the long wait, Mabel's eyes fluttered shut.

 ** _This sucks. I hate waiting._**

 _It's my fault I'm here. Maybe if I had just never-_

 ** _No! Stop that! I hate guilt-tripping too!_**

Mabel's vision drifted in and out, sometimes it was dark and sometimes she could see fuzzy shapes that made weird noises. All she really wanted to do was sleep but if she closed her eyes, they wouldn't. Instead, Mabel was forced to watch nothing or… something.

Eventually, this passed and she could finally see what that something was. A small room decorated in pleasant colors and soft edges with an angular woman seated at the desk in front of her. She looked up and tucked her curly hair behind her ear, "Oh, you're up, that's good. We need to quickly do this meeting. I have to be at the courtroom in about… 15 minutes."

"Uhh, okay. What's this about?" She sat down in one of the plush yellow chairs.

"Your life sweetie. So let's talk."

"Why would I do that? It's weird!"

She pulled off her glasses and stared deep into Mabel's own. "Trust me, this is much easier than tearing you open with a scythe and watching your memories." She clicked something on the computer screen and poised her elegant hands over the keyboard, "Mabel Pines, born August 31st 1999, died August 31 2012."

Mabel didn't know what to think. She had died on her birthday, the one she had looked forward to so much. "I-I-I don't think that I should do this."

"Hon you have to, it's protocol. Once we go through this life, we can decide what kind of place your soul can go for rest."

Mabel finally gave in and turned her attention to a video on the monitor. It was when she was born, now she was going to preschool, her 8th birthday, on and on. Finally she watched herself arrive at Gravity Falls. She met Wendy and Soos, made new friends, and dealt with Gideon, all over again. "I remember this! We were at Pacifica's family's party and Grenda got a boyfriend! Oh and we were kinda turned into wood but details, right?"

The woman smiled and wrote down a few more notes before pausing the video, "Do you want me to explain all of this?"

"Yes please."

"Well alright then. I'm a shinigami, and it's my job to 'reap' souls and judge them." Gesturing to the screen she continued, "You may have died early but your life was kind and enjoyable. Which is good news for you." She watched Mabel grow nervous at this and sighed, "Sadly, there is quite the controversy over your final days. So after this session, I will have to take you to the courtroom."

Mabel's mind returned to Anubis and, what was her name? Mania? Those two running to a room in a panic meant something. "You mean the one with the Code 34?" She asked.

"Sorry sweetheart, but that's the one." Checking her watch she sighed another time, "I think we need to go." She stood up, revealing an elegant but outdated suit and tie."Come on then, we can't be late for this." Mabel followed her down the hall, her dejected footsteps mere paces behind the click of the shinigami's heels.

Standing in front of the steel door, Mabel did her best to control her panicked thoughts.

 ** _Your best isn't going to be good enough._**

 _What makes you say that?_

 ** _What about home? You haven't even bothered to try and care them, huh?_**

 _I-I-... It's… I don't want to-_

 ** _THINK ABOUT IT. FACE IT. They could be dying or worse Mabel._**

 _Why do you even care?!_

 **… _I have my reasons. But apparently you don't._**

 _Well I care!_

 ** _Sure you do. What if Dipper died and joined you?_**

 _I would… hate him for... doing that to me._

 ** _See? We're making progress now. Keep thinking Mabel, do it before you can no longer._**

 _What does that even mean?!_

 ** _Not now. The important thing is you. What happened? What could have happened back then?_**

 _I-I don't know! I can't remember!_

 ** _So it's started. Give me a moment, I can kickstart you again._**

 _Huh?_

 ** _Just ignore me for now. Pay attention to what's in front of you._**

Mabel's attention snapped back to the dark courtroom, the only source of light was the dying fire of the torches lining the wall. Hooded figures sat in wait for the events to come, all eyes on a chained figure in a sort of bowed position.

An angry red eye glared at her with interest, "W̼͉̫̺̻e͍͉͍̰ͅḽ̱̠l͚̳̪̭ ̻̯͙̭̺̠̥̞w͙̯̺̬͚e͈̗̭͎͚ͅl̰͔̰̙͉ͅͅl̦͇̩̫̗̠,̥̣͈ ̥̞͇͙n͓̲̜͔̬̮̺͇i̤͚c̙͉͈̜͈e̻͍͓͇̬͖ ̗͙̤̰̭̝̺ͅt̲͕̞o̟ͅ ̳̠͓̻̤s̗̟̯̗͍͈̣e̪͚̭̱̳͙e͔͉̭͕̦̻̥̬ ̺̪̦̱̗̞̮y̱̜̬̖o̮͉͖͖̫̫ṳ ͇͓̝S̥̻̬̰̲͖̼̻h͙o͈̱͎̘̣͕͓o̗̤̳̫̻ͅt̻̺̫̰̙̜̫ͅi͓̜n͚̞͍͙̝̩̞g̹̺͔̪͉ ̭̖͖͓͉S̝̥͕̹̘̜̼ͅt̬̩͇̼a̲̠̞̳͎̝r̺.̹"

 ** _Goddammit._**

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 **You know what I'm most surprised about? The fact that no one has tried to guess the voices in Mabel's head. Other than that, I love all of y'all for reading this! Bye!**


End file.
